I’m in the middle of all-nighter number two right now. This one is a little worse than the last one because I don’t have tomorrow off. Instead two hours after this shift is over I work a ten hour shift. In addition, I have been up since roughly 4am already.
Now that you’re all caught up on the semantics of the situation it’s time to let you in on the biggest event that has taken place during this all-nighter thus far…
Here I am, sitting in a library in the middle of the night and what epiphany am I struck with? What earth-shattering, conscious-rattling, life-altering realization have I come to?
Now, for anyone who has forgotten the rhythmic power and indelible song writing that made up such mid-90s fare like “Be My Lover” and “Sweet Dreams”
you are definitely one of a delicate few who can safely hear the name La Bouche and assume it is some sort of feminine hygiene product, a French carpet cleaning solution or some sort of pastry…but those of us who have images of strobe lights and glow sticks burned into our subconscious will never forget La Bouche, no matter how hard we try.
La Bouche struck down upon the American airwaves with thunderous fury at roughly the same time as many of the other bands whose music is defined in one of two genres:
1) Shitty Music from the ‘90s
2) Generic Shitty Music
If you need a reference point to conjure up thoughts of music that could be described as La Bouchian examples would include: “This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan or Just About Anything Ever Performed by Ace of Base.
I know what the question you’re asking yourself is right now. “Why am I reading this crap?” But the next question that’s probably floating somewhere in your subconscious is…”why the hell does he have two songs from La Bouche?”
Well the answer is simple, I was duped. Yes, yours truly is willing to put his ego aside and admit that I fell victim to some sort of mystical internet trickery. You see…here’s how it went down. I am new to the world of “torrents” and downloading entire CDs in one shot. My music piracy background consists of a few quick hits of Napster, a dash of Morpheus and a nice dose of LimeWire.
The difference between those methods and this new “torrent” system is that with the old platforms I would choose one song I really wanted and start downloading it, roughly a week-and-a-half later I’d get said song and either listen to it on repeat for a month or find out that it was a faulty download and I’d wasted the better part of a week. In the world of torrents, I merely click on an entire CD or someone else’s entire playlist and within a much more reasonable time (ie: 10 minutes), I’ve got the whole thing.
“Wow,” I thought, “the best songs from the last thirty years. Well hot-diggity dog there’s got to be some good shizzle up in there!”
And there was. I ended up with many a fine song from music legends like Neil Young, Eric Clapton, Garth Brooks and apparently…musical demi-gods La Bouche?!
Upon further inspection I realized that not only had I’d been swindled into downloading La Bouche, but I’d also gotten a bunch of other mid-90’s tag-alongs such as: Dishwalla, Crash Test Dummies, The Real McCoy, the Spice Girls and a whole host of other bands that should be left doing the county fair circuit in Kentucky.
So my closing statement to you—the three readers of my blog—is this: we must never forget the musical suffering we endured in the ‘90s, because if we allow ourselves to forget—we also allow that awful crap to sneak back up and strike that fatal blow to our collective musical well-being.
–This Public Service Announcement was Paid for by the “I F’n Hate La Bouche Association of America” the Boston Chapter–