Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 6, 2006

My Trip to Family Dollar

Do you ever have one of those days where you’re not really in the mood to buy anything, but you start to feel guilty for just walking around a store…so you buy stuff anyway?

I had that today. I was wandering home from the subway stop and for whatever reason I felt compelled to saunter into “Family Dollar.” So I walked up and down each and every aisle, meticulously looking at each and every little trinket and bobble on the shelf, not a one of them really drawing my interest.

I looked at a blanket and thought to myself…

This would be kind of nice to have. We do have company this weekend and it has been cold, I’m sure they’d appreciate a blanket to fend off hypothermia. But no…no I don’t feel like spending $8 on a blanket right now. I’m sure I’ll find something better if I keep looking. Plus if they were really worried about hypothermia they’d bring a sleeping bag or something.

After my little almost-purchase of the blanket, I came around a corner to find these tiny little area rugs…

Wow one of these would be perfect for covering up the Ethernet cord that is draped across the floor. Let’s see if it’s roughly 92 inches of exposed cord then that’s how many feet…hmmmmmmm let’s see sixteen times five is, what like eighty? Wait…wait, that’s not right at all. Sixteen that’s ounces in a pound…twelve, twelve inches in a foot and this thing is seventy-two inches? Oh hell no. I’m out. Too much math for this guy!

Upon tossing the area rug back to the floor, I continued my path of quasi-interest to the clocks. There was a very generic wall clock. The kind you see in little children’s playrooms with the bright, colorful plastic exterior surrounding the freakishly white face of the clock and its letters that are just a little too big…

Well this is kind of nice. This would look pretty bad-ass in my cube at work. That way I would know what time it is, whenever I wanted to know what time it was. Well wait, couldn’t I just use the little clock on my computer? Well yeah, but if I do that then I have to turn off my bitchin’ screen-saver and it’s really fun to watch my screen-saver. Yeah…that’s a good point. I’ll think about it.

As everyone does in one of these “I’ll think about it…” situations, I tucked the clock behind some other things so that no one would notice it and it’d still be there waiting for me if I decided I wanted it later. What I didn’t really do was put any thought into the fact that there were six identical clocks behind it on the shelf. I suppose in my mind I’d grown some sort of special attachment to that particular clock? Either way…it still waits for me behind some dish towels.

After the clock fiasco, yes that does indeed qualify as a fiasco…I stumbled into the electronics department where I found a cable splitter…

This is perfect. I was just talking about one of these the other day. We can use this bad-boy during the Super Bowl. We can set up the big TV and the little TV in the living room and use the cable splitter to ensure they both get the game in great quality. This is genius…but, wait…the Super Bowl is still like a month and a half away. Is this too soon? What if I lose it between now and then? What if we decide not to throw a Super Bowl party and then it’s just me sitting there watching the Super Bowl with a stupid cable splitter that I don’t need…………but there are only two left…

The cable splitter has now joined the clock…

Two aisles over I am stopped by what appears to be a two-foot tall Christmas tree that has been mangled. The price tag on the box says $5 but it has been crossed out in Sharpie and replaced with $3. The top of the tree is sticking out of the box which reads: pre-decorated Christmas tree…perfect for any office or home. So I think to myself…

Man…how bad-ass would a mini-Christmas tree look in my office? It’d be super bad-ass. I think I’ll check this thing out some more. Let’s see here, according to the box…20 multi-color lights, 10 hanging ornaments and a Christmas bow, all included…SWEET!! I guess I’ll just pull this bad-boy out and take a peek. Wait, where’s the bow? Or the ornaments? Where the hell are the lights? What is this bull? Pre-decorated my ass, I’m outta here.

I plunked the tree back down on the shelf and headed for the door, but in my rush to leave I suddenly feel an urge to make the twenty-five minutes I’ve spent here worthwhile, but I have no real desire to purchase anything. So I stand in line and wait until I get up to the register where I look around and grab some gum and chap-stick…

Hmmmm I think my lips are chapped and man, do I love Orbit gum.

Then I went home.

….ever done that?


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