Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 8, 2005

Taming the Masses…

Recently there was been tons of fanmail for me to get this blog updated. Granted when I say “tons of fanmail”…I really just mean that Steven hit me up with a request–once. Either way, I’m back for another installment.

Odd time right now as we are wrapping up the fall semester and I’ve actually begun to realize that I’m quickly running out of time left to be a normal college kid and avoid all of the “real world” stuff that is going to kick me in the nuts when President Davenport hands me that piece of parchment.

I’ve loved college. But honestly, who doesn’t? I’ve had good times. I’ve had bad times. I’ve skipped class (not since Freshman year). I’ve been a 4.0 student. I’ve been drunk and sober. I’ve been raped and pilleged for rent. I’ve made great friends and I’ve lost great friends. I’ve fallen in love. I’ve blown a lot of money on stupid things that serve no purpose beyond dorm life. I’ve put on some weight…well maybe not, but I’m sure I could. I’ve done the long-hair and beard thing that seems a requirement for all dudes in college. I’ve been to concerts and sporting events. I’ve shown school spirit and I’ve ripped on the administration. I’ve been overinformed and underinformed. I’ve been overwhelmed and apathetic.

Needless to say…I’ve had chance upon chance to do something big and make the most of this time. College is labeled “the best four (or five or six or seven) years of your life,” but personally I’ve never agreed with that. I always thought that set up the next 60 years or so for failure. I’ve had a great time, but I don’t want to assume this is where the fun stops.

Am I scared for what is ahead…HELL YES!! Anyone who says they aren’t is completely full of shit. I know that if I wanted to I could stay here in Mankato, get a full-time position in the library and live with Mike and Alicia for a few years to help supplement their house payments…but I can’t help but think that I want something more.

In elementary school I wanted to play professional baseball and be famous. In middle school I wanted to be a wrestler or play professional baseball and be famous. In high school I wanted to be an actor or a wrestler or play professional baseball and be famous. When I got to college I wanted to “just be.” Then I decided I wanted to be a writer. My feelings toward that have changed many times, with occasional feelings of “what the hell am I thinking” to “this is the greatest thing ever.” But in the end…it all still comes down to me and what I decide to do.

I realize I could have done a lot more with my time in college. I could have joined more groups. I could have made more friends. I could have gotten an internship sooner. I could have studied abroad or tried my hand at writing much earlier on and I could have been a published author a long time ago. But either way…it’s all in the past now. I’m left with one semester to go and I know it’s about time for me to get all mushy and start panicking about what’s next, but I just don’t want to yet.

This May I know my best friends and I are all headed in different directions and time is getting very limited for all of us to “do our thing” together. We don’t get to hang out nearly enough the way things are anymore and we are all at most a days drive from one another. Come this time next year, I could be in Oregon or Boston or California or hell…maybe even, Istanbul…either way no one knows what’s in store.

I realize this post has no real focus or point…but sometimes neither do our lives. Which is sorta what I’m feeling right now. I’ve turned 22…the days of saying, “Hey…I’m just a kid man, back off!” are gone now. I’m going to be a self-succient (hopefully) college graduate in five months’ time. And the biggest part of it all is I feel like I’m missing something. Maybe it’s just something that movies and TV shows have laid out there…but in my head there should be some defining moment where everything sorta comes together and I realize what it’s all been for and what the purpose of everything really is. Granted I won’t have the rest of the cast of the OC sitting around me or some pop ballad in the background…but when it happens, I’m finally going to get some sense of “fullfillment” from this whole college-thing.

Wow…that was uber-lame wasn’t it?! Sorry I’m feeling kinda funny now, lots of people I’ve known for the past four years are done after next week and it’s just starting to hit home. My apologies. Anyway, I’ll try to get up a coherent post in the very near-future.


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