Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | July 19, 2012

Karaoke Kills…Okay, Not Really, but it Attempted Murders

I’m not a good singer.

No…you know what, that’s not accurate enough. That implies that I’m simply just a bad singer. I am far and away one of the six or seven worst singers on the planet.

I make William Hung look like Frank Sinatra by comparison.

To say I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket would be giving me credit for being able to find the tune in the first place and then somehow wrangle it into a bucket. That’s not happening; not in a million years.

I’m so bad that the closest thing I can do to actual singing is my awful, mocking Nickelback voice.

Wrap your minds around that, folks. My absolute BEST singing is a mocking version of one of least skilled singers on the planet.

I assume by now you’re curious as to why the heck I’m rambling on about my less-than-stellar singing abilities, well, mostly it’s because I’d like to thank all y’all for never pulling out a pistol and shooting at me on the rare occasions that I do decide to belt out a “tune.”

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for William Carr Oller Junior.

Here are the details from The Daily Mail:

A Californian man is to face trial on charges of attempted murder after being accused of shooting his son to stop him singing.

William Henry Oller Senior, 70, took issue with his son’s karaoke music during a visit to see the 50-year-old at his home in Shasta County in the north of the state.

The pair began arguing over the music, with Oller Senior reportedly telling his son William Carr Oller Junior, ‘I’m going to shut you up’ before grabbing a semi-automatic pistol from his pick-up truck. After pointing it at his son, a fight subsequently broke out and both men were shot…

Okay, I’m not gonna lie, I totally get wanting to shoot someone for singing an awful song.

I really do. I’ve listened to Ke$ha, I get it.

In fact, I assume that in the few times I’ve belted a tune in front of people, there was at least one person in the crowd fashioning a prison shiv underneath the table and waiting for just the right moment to pierce my larynx.

And you know what, I believe it would have been entirely justified.

That having been said, they were at the son’s house. It’s not like Junior showed up at his dad’s place and just started belting out the Kenny Chesney tunes while he was trying to watch Matlock re-runs or something.

“Nobody interrupts my stories!”

If you don’t like the singing, leave.

It’s not your trailer home (Blogger’s Note: admittedly, that’s me making douchey-assumptions), so you don’t have to stick around.

All he needed to do was stand up, walk out, hop in his pick-up truck, and drive the hell away. Not go out to his truck, get a gun, and shoot his son.

I’m not a parent, but I feel like this is an overreaction of the highest-order.

Perhaps someone who has read one of those parenting books can tell me if that’s accurate, I’m sure there’s a chapter that covers “reacting to poor karaoke in an appropriate manner.” You know what, even if your book doesn’t have that chapter, I’m pretty sure “don’t shoot at your kid” is one of the golden rules of parenting.

I hope the kid shoots him back at Christmas when he’s telling some sort of story about his high school glory days playing quarterback.

Seems fair, right?!


Responses

  1. Wow…as a California resident myself, I feel sorry for this family and TOTALLY embarrassed! America- not every Californian has a lack of common sense, trust me! ;)

    Like

  2. Bwa ha ha ha ha! Oh my goodness. That’s…*wiping tears*… hysterical.

    I must say, I have a terrible voice and one of the nice things about having small children is that they actually ask you to sing for them, no matter how horrible you croak. They snuggle up to you and fall asleep as you squeak out the worst rendition of a lullaby anybody has ever heard. Then they grow up and ask you to shut the hell up. It’s nice while it lasts, anyway. ;)

    Like

    • I must be REALLY bad, most little kids slap at my face or cover their ears when I “sing”…it might be time to do the world a favor and get my vocal chords removed!

      Like


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