Three Rejected Attempts at a Cover Letter

I’ve mentioned that I’m working on applying for a new job and I’ve finally got the resume complete.

It is still decidedly longer and more rambly than I’d like, but so is just about everything I’ve ever written, so there’s that.

My final obstacle at this point is finishing up the cover letter.

Anyone who has ever written a cover letter knows what a pain to write these things can be. They need to show that you’re worth interviewing with just a few brief paragraphs. They need to give a snapshot of your skill-set without being too specific or too vague. They need to catch the reader’s attention without being garish and over the top. They need to hit as many of the buzzwords from the job description as possible without looking like you just copied and pasted the job requirements and put “I can do…” in front of all of ‘em.

It’s tough stuff, y’all.

Since I’m in need of a mini-mental break to avoid snapping and punching my cover letter in the neck, I’ve decided to share some of my rejected early attempts at this particular cover letter. If you think any of these should be reconsidered, let me know and I’ll work ‘em back into the rotation and make a final decision before I hit send.

Rejected Attempt #1

Dear Hiring Manager:

I am responding to the listing regarding the Access Services Manager position.

I’mma rock dis house.

Peace,
Graves

Rejected Attempt #2

Dear Hiring Manager:

I am responding to the listing regarding the Access Services Manager position.

I call dibs!

Sincerely,
Jeremiah Graves

Rejected Attempt #3

Dear Hiring Manager:

I am responding to the listing regarding the Access Services Manager position.

Fun Fact: I’ve rigged the entire building with explosives and have a van full of hostages.

Additionally, I am proficient in Microsoft Word and the ALEPH integrated library system.

Shall we discuss my benefits package now or after we discuss starting salary?

Later Gator,
Jeremiah Graves

About these ads