Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | June 8, 2012

Confessions: I Look Ridiculous in Suits

Here’s the real deal, y’all…I look absolutely ridiculous in suits.

I always have. I always will.

My first “adult” suit was purchased from a Goodwill in the Midwest for roughly $15.

It was gray. It was old. It was too small. It was worn at the knees and elbows. It had buttons falling off.

It made me look like a disheveled hobo clown headed out on the town for a night of binge drinking Colt 45s and punching doormen for sport.

Needless to say, it was not an effective suit to wear when job hunting.

I realized this after wearing it to my first official grown-up job interview at MIT.

I wasn’t really a fit for the job anyway, but looking like a dude who had just acquired the suit by winning a tussle with a homeless person was probably not the best way to impress prospective employers.

While I was walking home from that interview, I stopped in a suit shop and purchased two new suits on the spot for my upcoming interviews.

They sized me up and told me to swing back in a couple of days and they’d be all tailored and ready to roll.

I did just that and acquired my suits prior to my next couple of interviews.

Admittedly, I made the mistake of not trying on the “tailored” suits before I left the (unsurprisingly now defunct) suit shop and when I got home they were a tad baggy.

It wasn’t, like, “potato sack” baggy or anything, so I just rolled with it.

I looked respectable in my new black suit—and have since been offered every job I’ve ever applied for whilst wearing it—but it was still just baggy enough that I looked as though I had purchased it off the rack on my way to the interview.

Pictured: Me in my best suit.

Fast-forward a couple of years and I’ve lost quite a bit of chunkage since then.

At the time of purchase, I clocked in somewhere between 190-200lbs. Nowadays, I generally weigh-in somewhere in the 170-175lbs range.

Needless to say, now I look even more like a little kid playing dress up in his dad’s closet when I slip into a suit.

Sure, sure…I could go out and get these suckers taken in so I my pants don’t flail about like a flag in the wind. I could get the jacket modified a bit so that it doesn’t look like I’m trying to smuggle a dozen pillows everywhere I go.

I could also just go out and buy a brand-new suit that fits my sleek, aerodynamic, borderline anorexic body; but that just seems like a lot of work for something that I only need to wear a couple times of year.

Anyway, I just wanted to go ahead and share some straight talk with y’all so that if you see a tall, gangly-looking guy who appears to be wandering around in a suit that was stolen from a better dressed fat man, it’s just me.

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Responses

  1. You should have posted a picture of you in your suit on the blog post so people could tell you that you don’t look “that bad”. This would give you a little bit of an ego boost…or they could agree with your statement and relentlessly hammer you with insults until you crack emotionally and decide to take too many sleeping pills with a bottle of jack!

    P.S. First Post Booyah!!!!

    Like

    • …but that IS a picture of me.

      Both pictures, actually.
      :-(

      Like

  2. Here is what you do to remedy the situation. Don’t ever get into a situation where you will have to wear a suit again. No new jobs, no fancy parties, and you should be ok

    Like

    • …but what about weddings?!

      …or today, I’ve got to wear a suit for work. Not even a new job, just the existing one. It’s tough stuff, my man.

      Like

  3. […] already documented how ridiculous I look in suits…so now imagine a freshly-shorn, 22-year-old face in addition to an oversized […]

    Like

  4. I may still have the read leisure suit back in Hartley. Your welcome to it ;)

    Like


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