Beware the Asian Hypnotist Mafia

My Faithful Readers it is entirely possibly my life could be in danger at this very moment.

If not my life, at the very least my enviable wealth of diamonds and cold hard cash is certainly at risk.

Why you ask?

Well, it seems that the mean streets of Boston have recently gotten a whole lot meaner…thanks to a pack of roaming Asian hypnotists.

Here are the details from Boston.com:

A woman has told Boston police that she was approached by three scam artists in Chinatown last month and hypnotized without her permission before giving them all her valuables, including jewelry and $160,000 in cash.

The victim, who only spoke Cantonese, told police on April 16 that she was approached by three Asian women between 30 and 40 years old, and one of the suspects talked to her in Cantonese for about five minutes, asking random questions about the victim’s family members.

“The victim stated to officers she believes during the conversation she was hypnotized,” police said, issuing a community alert. “The victim further stated that she did not agree to be hypnotized by the suspect.”

The victim then went home with a plastic bag that was given her by one of the suspects and placed all her valuables in it. She handed the bag to the three suspects in the area of Boston Common near Province Street, police said.

There are a couple of things about this story that seem just a wee-bit fishy to me.

First and foremost, who has $160,000 cash just hanging around their house at any given time?!

Seriously, I think if I went home and scoured my apartment for cash right now, I’d have maybe $30 between my loose change jar, the cash in my wallet right now, and whatever is lurking in the couch cushions.

So that part right there seems just a tad suspicious.

Secondly, how does one know they were hypnotized if they weren’t aware it was happening?!

Isn’t a successful hypnosis one where someone wakes up and they don’t think anything happened; yet there they stand, butt naked and wearing a toilet seat around their neck, completely confused.

This gal seems a little too aware of everything that happened and that makes me think this was some sort of inside job where the “victim” was looking to swindle her husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/parents/wicked stepmother/siblings/etc. out of some serious cash.

I bet she’s just chillin’ down on South Beach drinking margaritas with the rest of the Asian Hypnotist Mafia right now, laughing it up.

That having been said, there is still a part of me that is completely freaked out about running into a pack of middle-aged Asian ladies now.

What if this story is true and they can bamboozle your brain without you even realizing it, but at the same time, completely realizing it.

Seriously, what happens if this is real and I wake up in the middle of Boston Common watching those three gypsies wandering off in the distance with my laptop, my Heidi Watney autographed baseball and Honey?!

I’m not ready for that.

As fishy as this whole story sounds, it is probably in my best interest to keep my iPod turned up and my eyes on the sidewalk the next time I meander anywhere near Chinatown.