Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | May 3, 2012

Relationship Advice: Communication > Arson

Relationships are not always sunshine and unicorns.

I think everyone knows this, right?!

It’s pretty much common sense that at some point, you’re going to run into some bumps in the road in any relationship. There is really no way of avoiding it, such is life.

The thing is, when these issues arise, the best way to deal with it is to talk things out. Communication is some pretty important shizzle, y’all.

Unfortunately, not everyone realizes this and they take alternative methods to deal with problems in their relationships.

Some people get cold and distant. Some people lash out, making big issues out of tiny things due to the underlying problems. Some people just stuff it and pretend everything is okay, despite the fact that it obviously isn’t.

…and some people—mostly idiots—commit arson; on their own home.

Here are the details from the Casper Star-Tribune:

A Casper man hoped to gain his girlfriend’s admiration when he set fire to their apartment earlier this month, authorities said Monday.

Jeff Wayne Oliver planned to extinguish the fire, saving everyone in his apartment and impressing his girlfriend, investigators allege in court documents. Instead, he fell asleep and only woke after a woman in another bedroom noticed the fire and began pounding on his door.

The April 19 fire burned one unit in a Lincoln Street apartment building. Four adults and two children lived in the unit, but no one was injured, according to firefighters.

Prosecutors charged Oliver with first-degree arson. He faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted.

What the shit is going on here?!

Jeff Wayne Oliver

This dude feels he’s not getting enough attention at home because his girlfriend was “giving all of her attention to her children and new friends” so he decides the best way to remedy that is to stage a reenactment of Backdraft in his freakin’ apartment.

Really?!

How’s about you buy her some flowers or maybe take her out for a nice seafood dinner, jackass.

I get that every dude wants to look like a knight in shining armor or whatever, but you look a little less like a “knight” and a lot more like an “attempted murderer” when you purposely set fire to your home.

Especially when there are six freakin’ people in your apartment, two of them children, and you can’t be bothered to stay awake long enough to successfully save the day.

Poor execution is obviously at play, but let’s be real, there was some seriously poor planning involved as well.

Here’s the quote detailing how he went about setting the mighty blaze he intended to extinguish:

“Oliver stated he had gotten out of bed, took some newspaper … out of the trash can, wadded it up, placed it on top of plastic bottles on the top shelf of the refrigerator and then lit the paper on fire,” the affidavit states. “Oliver further stated he went back to bed, but fell asleep.”

He started a fire in the refrigerator?!

Maybe I’ve just been really, really lucky in my life, but I’m willing to go out on a limb here and say that almost no one reading this blog has ever dealt with a spontaneous fridge fire.

Did he really think his girlfriend wouldn’t find it just a wee-bit odd that the plastic bottles in the fridge had randomly burst into flames?!

That’s not a thing. That doesn’t happen.

Jugs of milk don’t erupt into a ball of fire when they expire and half-empty bottles of Diet Mt. Dew don’t spontaneously combust because of the carbonation; so I’ve got no idea how he intended to explain this whole thing when “saved the day.”

I mean, you’d have to call the insurance company or something about the fridge or at least the landlord and that’s gonna raise some issues.

Ugh…it hurts my head to think about it. Either way, his plan sucked.

Poor planning. Poor execution.

The moral of the story: if you’re having some relationship troubles, just talk it out with your partner. Don’t set your f’n fridge on fire like this assclown.


Responses

  1. I don’t know how to respond to this. Just: …

    Like

    • I know, right?!

      I’m curious how someone who thinks “I’ll be a hero and put out the completely implausible fridge fire” has a girlfriend in the first place. It just seems like he should be living in the wilderness not around civilized human-beings.

      Like


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 166 other followers

%d bloggers like this: