Burger King Embargo: The End is Nigh

I love fast food.

I know it’s not cool to like fast food. Not even a little bit.

The hip thing is to be a total foodie, but I can’t help it, as much as I love fancy foods, there is a part of me that absolutely craves deep-fried, barely-identifiable fast food.

This is the reason that I’ve gone out of my way to hunt down the likes of Taco John’s, Chick-fil-A, In-N-Out, Popeye’s, Five Guys, and a number of other restaurants whenever the opportunity arises.

However, the easier to find fast food joints like McDonalds and Burger King have both proven to be far too tempting to me throughout the years and have both been embargoed as a result.

The McDonald’s Embargo lasted for a little more than a year-and-a-half until the return of the infamous McRib shattered it to bits.

The Burger King Embargo has survived drastically longer—the four year anniversary was a roughly two weeks ago—and there is one really big reason for that, the menu.

Burger King’s menu has been stagnant for years. They’ve added some awesome stuff over the years (see: the line of BK Stackers, the Loaded Steakhouse Burger, and the short-lived Mozzarella Sticks), but nothing that has had the same “break the embargo right f’n now” impact on me that the McRib did over at McDonalds.

That has made it all that much easier to stave off Burger King all these years.

Unfortunately, that’s all about to change in a big, big way.

Burger King is going through a major image overhaul after falling to third-place behind Wendy’s—seriously; they’re behind f’n Wendy’s—and the reigning champ, McDonald’s in the “Burger Wars.”

The image renovation includes ditching the all-too-date-rapey looking “King” for celebrities like Jay Leno, Salma Hayek, Mary J. Blige, and David Beckham.

The biggest transformation, however, will be the menu, which is getting a major shakeup.

As much as I love a good celebrity endorsement, it’s the latter change that figures to pull me back to the dark side.

Now don’t get me wrong, it won’t be their new chicken strips, “Garden Fresh” salads, snack wraps, frappes, or smoothies.

No, no…Buger King is going to pull me in with the likes of the Bacon Sundae!

Oh my God, this is really happening...

That’s right, folks…there’s a freakin’ Bacon Sundae that is currently being test-marketed in Nashville, Tennessee (aka: my new top vacation destination) along with pulled pork sammitches and sweet potato fries, but it’s the Bacon Sundae that has caught my attention.

There’s obviously a very good chance that this thing tastes like death, but I couldn’t care less. I must have it!

I’ve done bacon mints, bacon air fresheners, bacon soap, bacon lip balm, bacon chips, bacon mayo, bacon chocolate, and a whole host of other bacon-infused items.

I own a bacon plush doll, bacon band-aids, and bacon clothing. I’ve urged y’all to purchase me a freakin’ bacon coffin.

I think it’s safe to say that if this sucker finds its way to Boston, the Burger King Embargo is likely to die a quick, salty and sweet death.

(Blogger’s Note: I’d like to offer a big thanks to the metric buttload of people who sent me various links to this amazing discovery on Facebook, Twitter, email, text, and IM. You’ve all proven my reverse personal branding theory to be 100% accurate. Plus, I greatly appreciate having this many bacon-sniffing bloodhounds on the job at all times!)