Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | April 4, 2012

Buy Me Things

I am going to die.

Not today, hopefully, but someday for sure.

I’ve written about my impending demise in the past, so there’s no need for me to re-hash that subject a second time.

Instead, I’m going to go ahead and jump right to the consumerism.

Buy me the bacon coffin pictured above.

Here’s the description from the product page:

Is there a better way to show your love of bacon forever than to be buried wrapped in it? We don’t think so.

This genuine bacon casket is made of 18 Gauge Gasketed Steel with Premium Bacon Exterior/Interior, and includes a Memorial and Record Tube, Adjustable Bed and Mattress and Stationary and Swingbar handles. It also includes a bacon air freshener for when you get that buried-underground, not-so-fresh feeling.

There are all sorts of unusual caskets out there – motorcycles, PBR cans, iPhones, tanks, Star Trek themes and more. We think that your final resting place deserves the eternal glory that is bacon.

No returns accepted.

Now try to tell me this isn’t something you want to rush out and buy me immediately.

It is a total win-win. First, I get to spend all of eternity enshrouded in bacon and it’s only $2,999.99 (plus shipping and handling).

They’re practically giving it away…more or less.

About these ads

Responses

  1. I don’t want to burst any bubbles, but it kind of looks more “bad cammoey” than “baconey”…

    The bacon air freshener is a nice touch though.

  2. Nothing says “welcome to the hereafter” like the scent of cured smoky pork, my friend.

  3. but how could you choose:http://www.christyvault.com/images/catalog/PDFs/major%20league%20baseball/mlb.casket.twins.metal.pdf

  4. what about this one:

    http://www.christyvault.com/images/catalog/PDFs/major%20league%20baseball/mlb.casket.twins.metal.pdf

    how to pick???

  5. [...] I own a bacon plush doll, bacon band-aids, and bacon clothing. I’ve urged y’all to purchase me a freakin’ bacon coffin. [...]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 166 other followers

%d bloggers like this: