Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | February 11, 2012

Dissect My Dream: The Zombie Crockpot

I don’t normally like to post dreams that I’ve had because very few people really like listening to other people ramble on about the nonsensical shit that happens in their subconscious when they’re out cold.

That having been said, I’m coming off two really long, really draining, really shitty weeks at work and need to post something to keep all y’all from moving along to a younger, prettier blog, as such, you get a post about a dream I had the other night.

In an attempt to make it more user-friendly, I’m going to let y’all try to decipher what the hell it means. I’m not big into the whole dissection of dreams thing, but I figure it could lead to some amusing interpretations, so bring it on.

With no further ado, here is the dream:

I was in the sauna at the gym when all of the sudden I heard a bunch of crazed screams.

I stepped out of the sauna just long enough to see zombies attacking everyone in the shower. I stumbled backward into the sauna and pulled the door shut.

Knowing that zombies are dumb, but persistent, I ripped up one of the wooden slats from the bench and used it to secure the door shut, but there I was sitting inside a big plexiglass hot box with a bunch of zombies lurking outside waiting to eat my face.

It was like I was one of those rotisserie chickens at the grocery store or something. I was basically just sitting in a big ole slow-cooker and the zombies were waiting for the dinner bell to go off.

All I had at my disposal were my two towels, roughly half a bucket of water for the coals, and the heavy wooden ladle used to distribute the aforementioned water on the coals.

In the dream I managed to bash my way through the walls only to find that they were right up against solid cement walls so there’s no escape that-a-way.

Dejected, I attacked the ceiling for hours on end until I finally busted through the ceiling of the box, all the while the zombies grew more and more agitated with me.

I crawled out through the ceiling to immediately see the cement ceiling above me. There was just enough space to crawl up there—kinda like when Bruce Willis is in the air duct in Die Hard—but the only opening just led me right back to the front of the sauna where the horde of hungry zombies were still banging on the plexiglass about three feet below me.

Unfortunately, that’s where the dream ended.

I woke up to pee and when I went back to bed, I had a dream about Mandy Moore, a busted up VW van and a farmer’s market.

Needless to say, it was decidedly less exciting.

Personally, I think my recent obsession with proving I’m an iron man in the sauna coupled with reading zombie books before bed is coming back to haunt me whilst I slumber, but I’m not forcing this upon all y’all to get my own opinion.

I want to hear what y’all think it means.

So, My Faithful Readers, take to the comments and dissect my dream.


Responses

  1. I’m pretty sure you have cancer.

    • Really?!

      …of all the bajillions of possible interpretations of that dream, that’s the one you toss my way. You’ve gotta be the first commenter and you’ve immediately got to go negative.

      I hate you sometimes.

  2. It’s very possible I’m quite intrigued by that second dream!

    • I think I’d have to change the rating of my blog to post that one in its entirety.

      • *Like*

  3. Your zombie dream probably means that you run amok with the Third Kind in your spare time. (Totally random, I know.)

    • Random, yes.

      …but way the hell better than “I’m pretty sure you have cancer.”

      • Hey man, people get cancer from everything these days; why disclude dreams?

      • …touche.

      • Haha…. well, thank you. (in robot voice) Storing — comment — for — future — reference…

  4. *using the sooth-sayer voice* Your dream represents how you feel about a problem that you feel you cannot escape from, no matter how hard you try. The zombies represent the problem; their rabid appetites only showing how this problem is eating you alive. The slowly being cooked by the sauna represents the heat you feel every time you are confronted by this problem–the more it happens, the worse you feel. Every time you come across a cement wall or ceiling, that is just your mental block keeping you from solving your problem. I can only surmise that means you are having trouble getting and keeping an erection…. (You don’t want to know what the bucket of water and ladle mean, trust me.)

    *sooth-sayer voice off* Or…it could be that you read too many zombie novels and your iron man attempts in the sauna are affecting your brain. You might want to watch that.

    • Implied issues with the mechanics of my junk notwithstanding, that may be one of the best ones yet!

      Ten bonus points for use of the sooth-sayer voice!

      • I don’t get to break it out very often, but when I do, I try to make it count. :)


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