Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 9, 2012

Confessions: The McRib Needs to Go Away

My Faithful Readers, it’s time for the McRib to go away.

I know, I know…this doesn’t sound like the type of thing I’d ever legitimately say or write or even think, but rest-assured my WordPress account has not been hacked, this is the real deal.

You see, I went out to get a McRib on Saturday before work and it was a simple, effortless endeavor. It has been a simple, effortless endeavor for nearly three months now and I’m sick and tired of it.

Back on October 15, 2011, I was out wandering in search of something to eat for lunch when I sauntered past McDonald’s and saw a buttload of signs up declaring the triumphant return of the McRib.

Naturally, I was excited—although a little confused as the McRib had just returned a year prior, killing off the McDonald’s Embargo in the process—and that seemed like a pretty quick return for the previously elusive sammitch.

I went inside, giddy as a schoolgirl,  and ordered a McRib only to be rebuffed and told they wouldn’t be around until Monday.

I walked out in a huff, obviously miffed by the false advertising, only to return on Monday the 17th when the sammitch was available and I did, well, what it is that I do:

Following my initial conquest, I did what any McRib enthusiast would do; I reported my findings to the vaunted McRib Locator and continued eating McRibs like they were going out of style, as I assumed they soon would be.

You see, whenever the McRib come back, it’s a limited time engagement. Generally it’s four short weeks of McRibby Goodness.

With that in mind, I spent the next four weeks gorging like I might not get my sauce-stained mitts on another rib-shaped, boneless pork patty for years, as had previously been the case.

In the first 30 days they were available, I ate 32 McRibs.

The thing is, the McRib never went away, but my desire to keep devouring them did.

You see, the big issue I’m having is that when the McRib sticks around for more than a limited engagement, the luster and thrill of actually getting your hands on the McRib wears off.

Don’t get me wrong, I still think it is a God-send. Heck, you don’t own McRib clothing if you’re not a big fan, but I also think that the cheeseburgers at Four Burgers are delicious. I also think that Deliman’s Supreme at Archie’s New York Deli is delicious. I also think that lots of things at lots of places are delicious, but I don’t go out of my way to eat them like a madman, because they’re always around.

There’s no drive or incentive to shovel them into my face like I’m some sort of locomotive that only runs on sodium and BBQ sauce.

None of those items are around on a limited time basis. As such, I eat them with less-disgusting frequency than I’ve implemented in regard to the McRib.

It’s like anything else in life, half of the enjoyment is in the hunt, the thrill of the chase and all that jazz. With the McRib in a state of perpetual availability there’s less reason for me to run out and eat ‘em up by the dozen.

Long story short, McDonald’s…if you want me to keep devouring the McRib like a rabid jackal, y’all need to take it off the menu and bring it back in small doses or it becomes just another thing on a menu.

They say that if you love something, you need to let it go…and I’m ready to let the McRib go. I know it’ll come back to me, but hopefully only for a limited time.

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Responses

  1. hahaha I love your story. It is weird that they have had it around for so long because I thought it was supposed to be for a short time again.

    Like

    • It’s too bad, because I really, REALLY love the McRib…but so much of the enjoyment is in the hunt. Without the hunt, it’s just another item…and that kills a lot of the awesomeness.

      Like

  2. We don’t get these in Australia but I could see myself having the same sort of venture if it did. A burger bender for weeks which would only end when I hated myself for what I had done..

    Like

    • You pretty much just described it perfectly. If it had gone away at the end of four or even six weeks, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal, but it’s still lurking…making me feel kinda gross for going so nuts on ‘em in such a short period of time. If they’re going to be around for three months, there’s ZERO reason to act like they’re gonna be gone the next day.

      Like

  3. […] that I can handle self-imposed moderation at McDonald’s when the McRib comes back, but I’ll inevitably go on a binge that sees me eating three dozen […]

    Like


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