Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 3, 2012

The Least Shocking News of the Day: Katy Perry & Russell Brand are Getting Divorced


If ever there was a time for a “Great Moments in Inevitability” category here at Blank Stares and Blank Pages this would probably be it.

Pop-singer and snazzy-dresser Katy Perry—a proud member of the BSBP Celebrity Crush list since 2010—and unfunny “comedian”/ungood “actor” Russell Brand are officially filing for divorce.

This despite the fact that the couple was hitched just over a year ago in a ridiculously lavish ceremony in India. Granted since it is a Hollywood marriage, anything longer than six months has to be considered a relative success. Right?!

News of the divorce comes after months of speculation that the couple was on the rocks and many denials from both Brand and Perry.

The breaking point for these kids seemed to be a recent fight that resulted in them spending Christmas apart; Brand in London with family, Perry in Hawaii with friends, and neither one wearing a wedding ring.

It’s not too hard to see what is really going on here, is it folks?

Katy Perry is totally into me.

She’s using the same strategy that has been previously employed by Celebrity Crush luminaries Zooey Deschanel, Jenna Fischer and Jennifer Aniston – divorce.

There’s no easier way to try and win my heart than getting your single on. I’m no homewrecker and Katy has clearly gotten the message in that regard, thus the divorce.

I can only assume that the recent severing of Zooey’s marriage was the real kicker here.

I mean it seems pretty clear that there’s no way Katy can compete for my affections if her kinda-sorta-lookalike is single and ready to mingle and she’s still gettin’ her matrimony on with Aldous Snow.

Katy has already earned herself plenty of points in my eyes with her kickin’ birthday parties and anti-diva tendencies.

Admittedly, Katy will be paying a steeper price than those who previously played the divorce card.

Apparently, she and Brand never signed a prenuptial agreement and that puts Brand in line for an even 50/50 split of the assets.

Perry made roughly $45 million last year which means she could be giving up a serious chunk of change in her attempts to woo me.

In fact, if she wants to get in on the on-going battle for my affections between Taylor Swift and Zooey Deschanel, this could easily count as her opening salvo in the fight.

She’s giving up $20+ million and I’m giving her the equivalent of a first-round bye. Seems fair, right?!

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Responses

  1. hahaha you sure are funny and wow nobody saw this divorce coming :P

  2. [...] somehow this douchenozzle managed to get Katy Perry to marry him—albeit briefly—and now he’s setting his sights on a gal who looks quite a bit like his ex-wife, the one and [...]

  3. [...] I’ve written about the rainbow-haired pop diva many-a-time here in recent months and covered big life events like her birthday, her—ahem—“prestigious award” wins and her recent divorce. [...]


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