Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 10, 2011

Youth in Revolt…Over Shitty Beer

Growing up, I’d always hear adults say they were worried about the youth of America and then they’d go on some random tangent about all the dumb things that the younger generation was doing.

I’ve only been 28-years-old for about five days now, but I think I get where they were coming from with all that bitching, because after reading the following news story, I too am very worried about the youth of America.

According to the Belleville News-Democrat, siblings Brittany Ferguson, 20, and Lindell Ferguson, 18, allegedly beat their mother bloody because she threw away their beer.

“Authorities say the mother told police the disturbance started because she threw out several cans of Bud Light because her daughter wasn’t of legal drinking age. The daughter then allegedly attacked, with her brother joining in.”

Who the hell are these people?

Bud Light: Totally Worth Jail Time

Seriously, in what world is “attack your mother” the proper reaction to her tossing out your shitty-ass beer, especially when you’re not even old enough to be drinking the stuff in the first place.

It seems to me that their mom was doing them a damn favor ridding the house of the demonry that is Bud Light and what did she get for her troubles?

Well, according to the report she got a black eye, a bunch of scratches, a number of bruises and was bleeding pretty badly when the police finally rolled up.

Despite the damage done it seems that beating up their mom wasn’t enough, because these dipshits took out some other dude too:

“They also attacked a 47-year-old man who was at the residence, causing minor injuries.”

At this point, they pretty much had to figure they were totally f’d and might as well go all kamikaze on everyone they ran into, right?!

Otherwise why the hell are you just jacking up random people? This dude sure as hell wasn’t the one who tossed your piss-water beer.

Unsurprisingly, these two decided to haul ass and, shockingly, managed to stay on the lam for five freakin’ days.

They have since been apprehended and jailed. Both are charged with multiple counts of domestic battery. They remain jailed and each has a $10,000 bond.

Call me crazy, but I can’t imagine their mom is going to come running down to bust ‘em out anytime soon.

Here’s hoping these two jackasses enjoy spending Christmas in a jail cell, but hey, at least they’ll know it was all worth it to defend their cheap, shitty beer.


Responses

  1. [...] Given the various—ahem—“crimes” I’ve posted about here lately, it’s really, really hard to take criminals seriously anymore. It seems that they’re all complete dumbasses, misunderstood, total beardy kooks, or just overreacting. [...]


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