Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 9, 2011

Lexus Can Kiss My Ass


I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but I’m pretty much sick and tired of Lexus in every conceivable way.

It used to simply be annoying when they’d roll out the annual “December to Remember” thing and shove it down our throats.

I mean seriously, there’s nothing like getting an annual reminder that you’re a poor schmuck. And while you’re busy being a poor schmuck there are other people out there that are hella-rich and wanna rub that all up in your face.

Not sure what I’m talking about?

Well every year, right around Christmas, Lexus kicks off a series of pretentious commercials that show rich people handing out new cars like they’re f’n nickel and dime stocking stuffers.

The commercials go something like this:

Rich Dude: “Hey Honey, when you’re done rolling around in that pool filled with the blood of clubbed baby seals, I’ve got a surprise for you!”
Rich Dudette: “Really, what is it?”
Rich Dude: “Well it’s a Lexus with an obnoxiously large bow on it!”
Rich Dudette: “Ah, how fun. Let’s go eat bald eagle steaks and kill homeless people for sport.”
Rich Dude: “Only if we can count our gold whilst doing so…”
Rich Dudette: “…but of course.” *burns stack of $100 bills because they’re not green enough*

(Author’s Note: I might have taken a little bit of creative license in recreating a typical Lexus commercial.)

Anyway, the series has always been annoying and kind of a big ole “fuck you” to those of us who have to struggle and take on extra shifts and hours to scrape together enough cash to buy Christmas presents for our families.

But this year, the uppity-turds at Lexus have taken this whole thing to a brand new level. They are now assuming that people actually know the f’n jingle from these commercials by heart.

The whole sales pitch is based on this tagline:

“When you hear that song, you know it’s time for the Lexus December to Remember Sales Event.”

…who in the blue hell knows this f’n song?!

According to Lexus, rich people know it like nobody’s business…









If that isn’t enough to make you get up, walk away from your computer and go key obscenities into the side of a luxury sedan, I don’t know what is.

It was one thing to show rich people passing out fancy-ass cars like it’s no big deal to just hand someone a $60,000 car, but for those asshats to think that they’re somehow iconic enough for folks to recognize the jingle associated with their once a year sales pitch…well that’s just too f’n much.

If there was a way to punch Lexus in the junk, I’d do it and then I’d help Lexus back up just to smack ‘em in the face with a boat oar and shove ‘em in a mud puddle.

Given that there’s really no good way to end a quasi-threatening, violent, ranting post such as this one, I’ll just go ahead and leave y’all with this remake of one of their commercials.


Responses

  1. This is very good insight. Lexus makes me mad. Doubly, I was sitting on the couch last night wondering how I was supposed to know this jingle. You’ve captured my confusion.

    Like

    • Every time it comes on, I contemplating destroying my TV.

      The presumption that anyone actually knows that jingle by heart f’n infuriates me in a way that can only be described as “irrational.”

      Like

      • give you a reason to buy a LCD Tv…. Just saying

        Like

      • …touche!

        Like

  2. I have to say that, having seen these commercials billions of times in the last three days, I do recognize the Lexus jingle NOW, but that doesn’t really impact my life in any appreciable way. Although I do like the idea that I’m watching the same tv shows that rich people watch.

    Like

    • I’m intrigued by this and want to test you by playing the Lexus jingle versus other random jingles to see if you can actually spot the right one.

      Like

  3. I knew I wouldn’t be alone in this. Thanks for bringing this up. You’ve articulated it perfectly. Especially the “asshat” part. It’s both annoying and comical that they think their stupid little jingle is memorable enough to carry the overall theme of their entire series.

    Like

    • I know, it’s just such a chauvinistic thing for Lexus to think that everyone knows that damned jingle.

      I’ve seen the commercials a thousand times now and blogged about ‘em and if you started to play the jingle right now, I still wouldn’t recognize it.

      Like

  4. you folks have captured my frustration totally….who the fuuk knows this irritating jingle means “Lexus”…..if anyone actually RECEIVED a Lexus with a big red bow for christmas, I’d like to hear about it.

    Like

  5. The whole class warfare crap never really bothered me. Some people can afford stuff, others can not. That will always be the case.

    What is really irritating is the presumption that everyone is supposed to recognize that f’ing jingle! I can not tell you how much I LOATHE that concept. Somewhere in the world, some marketing douche is patting himself on the back for that one. Didn’t anyone producing those commercials realize, “Uhhh…This is actually kind of queerer than our usual.”

    I just can’t stand how obnoxious that is.

    Sadly, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that is direction all of their ads will be going with every Christmas until the end of time. They want that god forsaken jingle to be affiliated with the holiday gift giving of their f’ing Lexus.

    Prepare for more vomit next year.

    Like

    • I completely agree. If you had asked me a month and a half ago what the “Lexus Holiday Jingle” was…I’d have told you I didn’t know what the hell you were talking about…and I assume most people would have responded the same way.

      Like

      • Exactly right. It’s one thing to hear theme music for any commercial, playing in the background. But these ads are directly drawing attention to it with music boxes & elevator music & the dumbest one of all – Guitar Hero. Their faces lighting up with “Oh, I know what that means! Where’s my Lexus?!”

        It is so stupid. So annoying. & so obvious they are trying to pretend as though that music & Lexus giving is a tradition as old as putting trees in your house. Blaaaah!

        Screw you, Tiny Tim. I can’t hear you above the marching band’s Lexus Christmas theme! Ebonezer just gave me this Lexus! Sorry about your leg…Varooooooooooom!

        Like

      • I was trying to think of what jingles are iconic enough to get someone to immediately recognize them. There’s McDonalds, Folgers and State Farm and that’s really all I can think of off the top of my head.

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  6. […] they’re insanely repetitive and boring. They suck because you couldn’t give a rat’s ass about whatever product they’re pitching. They suck because they contain some of the worst plots and scripts this side of daytime soap […]

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  7. What are those freaks eating roasted ratbats?

    Like


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