Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | November 29, 2011

Revenge is a Dish Best Served in Permanent Ink

Somehow breakups are all the rage in the news—or what qualifies as news on my Twitter feed—lately and that’s why all y’all are getting a second breakup-related post from me in the past week or so.

Last time, I mentioned that I haven’t had a legit breakup in a long, long time and thankfully nothing has changed in that regard since I detailed the many awesome things I would buy in the wake of a breakup with Grace.

Today’s breakup related story comes from the always reputable news-source, The Sun:

Rossie Brovent wants £60,000 ($100,000) in damages from Ryan Fitzjerald.

Rossie, from Dayton, Ohio, US, wanted a scene from the Narnia trilogy inked on her back.

Instead she was left with a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.

Tattoo artist Ryan turned rogue after discovering that Rossie had cheated on him with his best friend.

Rossie originally tried to have her ex-lover charged with assault but she had signed a consent form agreeing the tattoo design was “at the artist’s discretion”.

She said: “He tricked me by drinking a bottle of cheap wine with me and doing tequila shots before I signed it and got the tattoo.

“Actually I was passed out for most of the time, and woke up to this horrible image on my back.”

Now I’m not gonna lie, the whole story reeks of bullshit (pun oh-so-very intended).

First and foremost, their names—Rossie Brovent and Ryan Fitzjerald—sound completely made up. There’s also the fact that the story only appears to be popping up on gossip blogs.

On top of that we’ve got someone who wants a Narnia tattoo all over their back, despite the fact that the rest of her entire body seems to be tattoo free? Maybe there really are people that nerdy, but it’s almost always dudes of the big, fat, hairy and lonely variety. This chick appears to be none of those things.

Additionally, I’m pretty sure that any contract signed when you’re drunk off your ass isn’t legally binding. I don’t know how or why, but I feel like that came up in my Journalism Law class in college.

Then there’s the real kicker, neither of the two parties involved appears to exist on Facebook. Call me crazy, but if you’re not on Facebook in 2011, you’re either over the age of 45 or you simply do not exist in the real world. Period.

Anyway, the whole “this is probably a hoax” thing notwithstanding, I gotta give this (likely fictional) dude credit for his (likely fictional) revenge.

If nothing else this figures to make all chicks think twice before cheating on a tattoo artist…or getting drunk around a tattoo artist…or really associating with tattoo artists in any way. Nothing good can come out of that relationship, let’s be honest here, ladies.

Let’s weigh-in, here, My Faithful Readers: can you think of a worse punishment for cheating than this?

I was going to try and come up with the five things I’d do to Grace if she cheated on me, but really, beyond using MS Paint to past her head on other people’s bodies or draw piss-poor cartoons of her in nefarious situations, there’s not much I can do to retaliate.

Can anyone come up with something that tops this?! If so, put it in the comments and let’s see what kind of depraved revenge-artists read my blog.


Responses

  1. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/poop-tattoo-story-is-crap-8764319

    • On the bright-side, at least I can say I wasn’t completely fooled by it. The story just had too many holes.

  2. You want a worse punishment for cheating? Google the name Lorena Bobbitt.


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