Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | April 18, 2010

Cheeseburger Chronicles #048

In life, we all make poor-decisions.

This is inevitable. At some point you’ll stick your finger in a light socket, lick a frozen piece of metal in the winter, tell a cowboy his hat makes him look ‘jaunty’ or purchase a burger at a Roller Derby event.

This past weekend, I was guilty of the latter.

Having meandered to the Shriner’s Auditorium in Winchestertonfieldville, Canada right after work, I had no time to snag food.

I shoved a banana in my craw on the trip there, but that held my hunger at bay for roughly the same amount of time anyone can actually stand listening to Bob Dylan songs. Seriously, don’t be like that. You know that you’re done after like two songs.

Anyway, so when we reached the great white north, my fate was sealed.

I was going to eat a derby burger.

Cheeseburger #048

What: Convertible Bacon Cheeseburger

Where: Shriner’s Auditorium: Canada(ish)

When: April 17, 2010

How (was it): Believe it or not, this wasn’t the worst burger I’ve had in 2010. That honor still rests in the unwashed hands of the Massachusetts Avenue Restaurant.

It wasn’t by any means, a good burger, either. For starters—as you can tell in the picture—it had no top bun.

I had my hands full when the toothless lady behind the counter handed me the Styrofoam (GOOOOOO EARTH!) container, so I just tossed my money at the gargoyle behind the cash register and sauntered back to my seat.

It wasn’t until the big “unveiling” for my peeps that the lack of a bun became apparent. Being that it was a long walk to the concession stand and I’m a lazy tool, I just ate it like an open-faced sammitch.

The bacon was crunchy, not crisp mind you, but crunchy and the cheese was only sorta melty. The bun was soft, so that’s something.

The patty itself wasn’t juicy by any stretch of the imagination, it was undoubtedly of the frozen (or recently picked off the highway) variety. Either way it is safe to assume all of the good burger juicy-juice was long gone. It wasn’t, however, overcooked or awful. It just sorta tasted like a drastically more gamey McDonald’s patty.

There was, however, some sort of “special sauce” lurking underneath the patty that I chose not to investigate.

It was actually pretty good and that makes me nervous. What if that “secret sauce” is some weird Shriner cult mixture of ox blood and unicorn semen?! Do I want to know that?! No, no I don’t. That’s why I didn’t lift the patty. I didn’t investigate.

I’ll pretend it was Cheez Whiz or something and move on with my life.

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