Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 4, 2009

Five Really Dumb Things that Fill Me with Rage

I was in bed the other night, completely unable to sleep and I found myself thinking about some ridiculously stupid things.

The worst-part was that while thinking of these incredibly dumb, incredibly innocuous things, I started to get angry.

As such, I’ve decided to make a quick list of really dumb things that fill me with rage.

CANDY BARS

I hate that King-Size candy bars aren’t really big candy bars anymore. Most of the time it’s just two small candy bars in one wrapper. This always leads me to contemplate murdering the guy at the 7-11 counter who sold me the “supposedly” king-sized Snickers.

What a lying JERK!!

VIDEOGAMES

I sometimes get upset that I don’t play videogames enough. I have three games that I either bought or received as gifts in 2006 and I’ve yet to play any of them. I have two other games that I’ve only played two or three times, ever.

I bought a new baseball game this spring and every time I turn it on, I spend three hours manually updating all of the rosters and never get around to playing the actual game.

When I realize how much time and money I’ve wasted, I always get an urge to take my Playstation and beat John Mayer to death with it.

TEXTING

I flip out when I can’t get a text message to send. Every time that box that says “Retry?” pops up, I want to chew unpopped popcorn and punch a baby panda in the face!!

REMOTE CONTROL

I get so upset that it can’t be healthy when I’m trying to change the channel or volume, but the remote sensor won’t pick up the signal from the remote.

I move around and around and around to avoid actually getting up and adjusting it on the TV, which is only like three feet from my couch, and eventually—when I do have to get up—I flip out and nearly destroy the TV.

SWEET-SYRUPY GOODNESS

I get irrationally upset when I got into Dunkin’ Donuts to get an iced coffee and they don’t have the French Vanilla flavor syrup goo. I mean seriously, what’s the F-ing point of advertising the delicious sugary-concoction if you don’t have it!!!

Ugh, without it, the stuff just tastes like coffee and that’s not cool.

…and there you have it, my Faithful Readers, five REALLY dumb things that fill me with rage.

I guess that was entirely pointless, my apologies to any of y’all who are still reading. You deserve better.

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Responses

  1. 1. Bags of chips filled 1/3 of the way could send you over the edge?

    2. Use the un-played games as paperweights?

    3. Who’s your cell phone provider?

    4. New battery? Sometimes the digital converter box’s remote will turn on the DVD player (but only if I change it to channel 30).

    5. Get a contingency plan.

    What kind of fire burns in your mind when crossing paths with incompetent pedestrians, bicyclists, or other motorists?


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