Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | October 28, 2009

Public Service Announcement: Just Say No…To Candy Corn!!

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

I come to you today with a very important message about candy corn. Candy corn is bad, very bad. This time of year candy companies world-wide release bag after bag of this addictive—yet disgusting—menace upon an unsuspecting population.

As a result, hordes of people become afflicted with candy corn addiction every fall. This addiction is very serious and—although it wanes over the winter and through the spring and summer—it returns every fall with vengeance.

If you or someone you know suffers from candy corn addiction, please seek help.

For more information on Candy Corn Addiction please continue reading:

Description:

Candy corn addiction is a phenomenon experienced by more than 250,000 individuals each year who enter treatment for their proclaimed addiction to candy corn.

Candy corn addiction is characterized as compulsive, often uncontrollable candy corn craving, seeking, and use, even when the individual knows that candy corn use is not in his best interest.

Candy corn addiction could be defined as chronically making the firm decision not to use candy corn followed shortly by a relapse due to experiencing overwhelming compulsive urges to use candy corn. This contradiction is characteristic of an addiction problem.

Symptoms of Candy Corn Addiction:

• Candy Corn tolerance:

Either need for markedly increased amounts of candy corn to achieve intoxication, or markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of candy corn.

• Greater use of candy corn than intended:

Candy corn taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended.

• Unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control candy corn use.

• A great deal of time spent in using candy corn

• Candy corn use causing a reduction in social, occupational or recreational activities.

• Continued candy corn use despite knowing it will cause significant problems.

Effects of Candy Corn Addiction:

Candy corn is both emotionally and mentally addictive. Once an individual becomes addicted to candy corn it develops into part of who they believe themselves to be. Avoiding their friends who do not use, the addict will gravitate to others that do.

Candy corn is a topic that is always on their mind, whether it be thinking about the next time they will be able to get a sugar-high or where they’re going to get their next $1.99 value-size baggie.

When someone is addicted to candy corn eventually their friends and the people close to them only know how they act when they’re sugar-stoned because they no longer do anything without first snacking. Their constant abuse is due to the misconception that candy corn is what they need to solve their problems. Sometimes addicts will take their stash with them wherever they go, just in case an opportunity arises and they are able to down a quick handful or two. They may even go through several dealers in order to make sure they always have a constant supply of candy corn.

The cost of candy corn addiction to the individual who allows their addiction to escalate may suffer health and social consequences, memory and learning problems, problems at work or even result in losing a job because—well let’s be honest—people on a sugar-high are no good for business.

Those who isolate themselves from friends and family often put a heavy strain on relationships with loved ones. There is a vicious cycle to candy corn addiction in which these problems are often used as a rational to eat even more of those delectable little candy nubbins. Candy corn addiction is a no-win situation that many—maybe even you—unintentionally fall into every year.

If you feel that your candy corn use is out of your control and interfering with your personal goals and happiness and you would like to stop but can’t seek help from addiction treatment professional.

Candy Corn Facts:

• All of the Candy Corn in the world was made in the late 16th century, by the Devil and Carrot Top. Hungry now?

• A Foxnews world report showed documented proof that Candy Corn was involved in the September 11th attacks.

• It turns out that Candy Corn is the leading cause of the H1N1 virus.

• It is scientifically proven that eating Candy Corn significantly increases your chances of being roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

• New studies have shown that 9 out of 10 dentists agree…anyone who eats Candy Corn is secretly hiding a Miley Cyrus CD somewhere in their home and they will deny it until their dying day.

• If you step on a crack you, in turn, break your mother’s back. However, if you eat Candy Corn your mother, in turn, is forced to spend a romantic evening on the town with the reincarnated remains of pitchman extraordinaire, Billy Mays.

• A recent memoir discovered in Adolf Hitler’s childhood home shows that he held no ill-will against the Jewish until a small child named Timmy Goldberg came by his place selling Candy Corn door-to-door.

• Candy Corn has been clinically proven to induce not only cancer, AIDS and the aforementioned H1N1, but wicked-bad farts too. No one wants wicked-bad farts.

• Carrot Top credits candy corn for his success and comedic skills. Need I say more?

• A recent survey of high schoolers showed that nearly 1 in every 5 teenagers was abusing Candy Corn. A second study showed that 4 out of every 5 teenagers knows someone who has used Candy Corn in the past thirty days. What does all of this mean? We are wasting money on Candy Corn research…Candy Corn strikes again!!

Before and After Photos of Candy Corn Abusers:

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Responses

  1. You’re just jealous because candy corn is more popular than Iowa corn.

    • If I didn’t believe that there were a little bit of truth to that, I’d be totally pissed…

  2. two thumbs up.

    • Why thank you!!

      I appreciate the anti-CC support.

  3. I can stop anytime I want. Seriously.

    • I assume that when November 15th rolls around and the bags have all vanished from the store shelves, that’ll make it much, much easier to stop.

      Until then, best of luck!!

  4. I loved your facts. Especially the one about Fox News, because it was the most believable.

    • …are you implying the others weren’t believable?!

      Those are all legit facts. I got ‘em from the best place in the world for 100% accurate facts…Wikipedia.

      • I trust Wikipedia more than Fox News.

      • …touche!!


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