Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | July 7, 2009

Listen Up, Nerds

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I know how to do my job. I’m pretty f’n good at my job.

As such, I get extraordinarily pissed off when some asshole comes in here with a stack of books to return and then decides it is necessary to linger around the desk, hawking over me to ensure that I properly check in each and every one of their books.

I don’t know if all these MIT nerds assume that since I’m just a “lowly employee” here and not a student that I somehow can’t handle the complicated ins and outs of putting a barcode underneath a scanner until it beeps…but that certainly seems to be the case.

I’m not one to disparage the work that my coworkers and I do, but honestly this is the one part of the job that is completely idiot-proof.

You could literally take a trained monkey—no, no scratch that—you could literally take a blind, retarded monkey (with no arms) and teach it how to check books in.

The entire learning process would take about 45 seconds and that’s only assuming you spent some time exchanging pleasantries with the unfortunate primate prior to beginning the lesson.

I don’t know what compels these nerds to assume that I’m going to foul up the process. Maybe they don’t like my patchy, prepubescent facial hair or the fact that I’m wearing a hat and look like some sort of lowbrow, backwoods criminal who siphons gas from his neighbors’ tractor under the cover of nightfall.

Whatever the case may be, I’m sick and tired of having pushy, untrusting nerds interrupt me to ensure their items are all scanned properly and in a timely fashion. Can’t y’all see that I’m in the process of taking a Facebook quiz to determine which Simpson’s character I am or that I’m blogging about how much I hate a vast majority of our library patrons?

I know how to do my job, nerds. I don’t need you to stand over me and make sure I do it correctly.

I don’t come to your Cheeto-laden dorm room and tell you how remain a virgin for life or tell you which Dungeons and Dragons character to choose, do I?!

No. No I do not!!

So please afford me the same courtesy.

Walk in, drop your books on the counter and hit the bricks.

Me and Jingles the Armless Ape have this under control.


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