Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | April 27, 2009

Laying Down the Gauntlet: Grace’s Take

meat-free-zone-stickerHello Faithful Readers…

Today we have a special treat, a blog entry from guest writer, Grace.

Now that “No Meat Week” has begun in earnest, she wanted to give her take on my odds of survival and her plan of attack to wear me down.

So with no further adieu, here’s Grace’s take…

—————————————————————————–

Dear friends,

It’s officially “No Meat Week” and it‘s time for me to taunt Graves with meatballs, steak sandwiches, and plenty of bacon. Now, I’ve heard that there are many opinions floating around out there that I didn’t take Graves on for long enough; many of you think that I should have bet he couldn’t go without meat for 2 weeks or even a month. The problem is, though he be cocky, he is also self-aware enough to know that he’d be crying like a little baby if he even attempted to last 2 weeks without a hamburger. So, one full week was just enough to ruffle up his competitive feathers and taunt him with what he likes to call “a good challenge.”

For those of you curious about how I plan on making this the No Meat Week from Hell, below you’ll find my strategies to essentially create what can only be described as a 1984-esque method of torture:

1) Buy posters of barbecue pulled pork sandwiches and hang them in every room of our apartment. I’m okay with making our abode look like a local American food dive as long as it ensures a mental meat breakdown.

2) Make bacon every morning. Obviously.

3) Rub bacon on the couch, Graves’ pillow and on select t-shirts that he may wear.

4) Find and order the Discovery Channel special on the history of the hamburger and Taco Bell. Play the video at all hours of the day.

5) Sing the following ditty as inspired by a Bagel Bites? commercial: “Bacon in the morning, bacon at suppertime . . . Now that you’re in the mood for baaaaaaaaacon, you can eat bacon any time!!!!”

6) Create a list of Graves’ favorite meat dishes and sandwiches and read this list to him in his sleep.

I think my favorite part of all of this is Graves’ interpretation of what one can eat if one does not eat meat. After placing our bet, I asked: Do you even know what people eat if they don’t eat meat? Graves’ reply: “DUH – I’ll eat salad . . . And, and . . . bread . . . And, and cheese. Yeah, I’ll eat cheese sandwiches and salads.”

Given Graves’ salad-making abilities, I think I’ll make my way to CVS to pick up some Metamucil and Ex-Lax. Here’s to winning my Lucky subscription and free subway fare for May!

Signed,
Grace

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Responses

  1. I’m going to pretend this blog is facebook for a second and give Grace’s post a hearty “Dana likes this” thumbs-up.

  2. you girls, and you both know who i am referring to, are being so mean to graves. come on buddy you can do it ….. drink milk and eat corn

  3. when you’re done with the corn, eat a stacker! what would john mcclane do????

    answer: eat 2 stackers. then some fried chickens.

    • John McClane would take this challenge like a man and win it.

      …and probably shoot you for all the torment.

  4. Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this issue,so thanks for sharing. I will certainly be coming back to your posts.

  5. [...] COMING SOON: A special blog from guest writer, Grace, who will give her thoughts on my “impending … Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Laying Down The GauntletAccident Near Monmouth Leaves One Fatality [...]


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