Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | April 18, 2009

The Mailbag

mailbag001I’ve been requesting comments and emails from my Faithful Readers for awhile now and I’ve noticed a rather large uptick in the comments section—always nice to get some responses to your writing—and I’ve even started receiving a few more blog-related emails as of late.

As such, I’ve finally decided to debut my “mailbag” and respond to five different pieces of fan-mail, hate-mail and/or black-mail.

So without any further ado, I present the first installment of “The Mailbag” here at “Blank Stares and Blank Pages.”

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If the McRib were to show up at McDonald’s would you break your Embargo? – Chris T.

Wow, that is a great question, Chris. I suppose when I started this Embargo, I didn’t give any thought to the potential re-emergence of the McRib. In the two and a half years I’ve been out here, I’ve yet to encounter that sweet, sassy pork treat on a McDonald’s menu…I can only assume that will remain the case.

If, however, by some chance the McRib were to land in Boston…I’d probably have no choice but to break the Embargo and devour as many of those wonderful rib-shaped delights as I could until the two-week promotional period came to an end and they disappeared back into the heavens.

You suck and I hate teh [sic] blog. Your [sic] not funny and Jennifer Aniston is old and ugly. – ruff_ryder

Well thank you, ruff_ryder. It is always a pleasure to hear from one of my more educated fans. I will, however, have to disagree with your comment regarding Ms. Aniston. She just turned forty, which is by no means old, and last time I checked she was still gorgeous.

I’d recommend you download some pictures of Ms. Aniston to serve as proof, but you should probably check with your parole officer first to ensure you’re not violating the terms of your probation. :-)

I work in a library and never deal with the stuff that you do. Do you think that you are cursed? – Rick C.

You know, Rick, I’ve often wondered this myself. The amount of borderline crazy things that happen to me in/at/near the library is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t recall building anything on ancient burial grounds or anything of the sort, so I don’t really know where the curse would be emanating from.

I think in the end the biggest problem is that I have a very generic look. I have people tell me all the time that they recognize me from somewhere and this is problematic in a library because all the crazies see you as a familiar face too. The other problem is that I am generally quite smiley and I look inviting to any crazy person who may want to unload their life’s woes upon me.

I think I need to scowl more…

You have made mention about wanting to a write a book. Are you serious and do you have anything in the works? –Bekka B.

Thanks for asking, Bekka. I’ve contemplated writing a book for a long time. The problem is I really don’t know what it’d be about and/or who—beyond my legion of Faithful Readers—would read it.

I’ve got a few different ideas in mind. Some fiction stuff and some non-fiction stuff and then some stuff that’s pretty much what you see here, but you know…with pages. I guess time will tell whether or not anything comes out of it, but it’s good to know someone is interested!!

Do you have a strategy for the no meat challenge and what do you think Grace will do to make your life a ‘living-meat-filled-hell?’” –Rose B.

This challenge has been generating a lot of intriguing comments and mail lately, so thanks for your question, Rose. I think my strategy will be to make as many non-meat things as possible that I like. I love a good salad—granted it usually has ham and bacon—and I enjoy pasta, so those two will become staples if I’m to survive that week.

As far as Grace is concerned, I have no doubt that she will go any length to win this contest. I’m anticipating waking up to the smell of crackling bacon every morning and I can only assume she’ll develop a sudden desire to make pork roast and cheeseburgers every night of the week. I know she’ll be crafty, but I think I can handle it.

If not, I’ll never hear the end of it…

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…and with that we conclude the first-ever edition of “The Mailbag.”

Feel free to send in your comments, questions, general remarks regarding my ill-fated attempts to grow facial hair, concerns and/or anything else you might want to send my way by clicking the link in the right-hand column.

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