Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | April 17, 2009

This One Time, in Milwaukee…

I’m pretty sure I got solicited for sex in an airport bathroom.

…oh, I hadn’t told you this yet. Whoops.

Okay, y’all…let me set this one up for you. This happened two weeks ago during my layover in Milwaukee prior to the beginning of a weekend full of shenanigans with The Boys.

I was taking a tinkle in the one of the pooper stalls, because all of the urinals were taken. Note: Milwaukee is not a big airport and, as such, does not have that many urinals.

tappy-tap-tapAnyway, so there I was taking my pre-flight piddle and all of the sudden I hear this tapping noise. I ignore it at first, but it gets louder and louder and louder and sounds awfully close. So I finally look down and what do I see?!

Well, Faithful Readers, here’s what I saw. Some dude tapping his foot underneath the tiny dividing wall and roughly three inches from my foot.

Immediately I remembered that Senator from Idaho who got caught doing this a few years back at the Minneapolis airport and was arrested and eventually had to resign.

Apparently foot-tapping in a bathroom stall is Morse Code for let’s get it on…you know, all classy-like, in an airport bathroom…in Milwaukee…where one of us may or may not have just been dropping a pooper.

Boys are gross.

Being that this was not a co-ed bathroom—thus negating any chance that it was Jennifer Aniston or Amy Adams on the other side of the wall—I passed on the offer by zipping up my pants and hauling ass for my next flight.

So I can only assume one of the following to be true about the dude in the other stall:

a) He really liked my shoes (doubtful)
b) He was impressed with my manly gait (also doubtful)
c) He thought I walked like a real man’s man…maybe even like a cowboy (no chance in hell)
d) He was just tapping his foot while he poo’d and I overreacted (probable)

I guess I’m not sure if I feel insulted or flattered by this situation. There are two ways I could look at it.

One on hand, I was solicited for dirty bathroom sex by a total stranger.

On the other hand, I was solicited for dirty bathroom sex by a total stranger.

Although for all I know it was an undercover officer who was beaming with pride when he saw a good ole Midwestern boy like himself turn down his advances and flee the restroom like a cheetah on speed.

Yeah…yeah, that sounds good. Let’s go with that.


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