Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | March 18, 2009

Announcement

energydrinks001

I wanted to make a brief, albeit important, announcement.

Soda is not hardcore.

This is something that’s bothered me for a very long time, especially when I’m working overnights, but has found its way to the forefront of my mind again tonight.

Some dude came up to the desk to check out some books. No big deal. That is pretty standard operating procedure for a library circulation desk.

Then he hoists up the contents of his other hand for me to see…like the way a dog would show you a squirrel it had just killed…and in that other hand he held two 20 ounce bottles of Mountain Dew in a plastic bag.

Rather than realize I didn’t care that he had forty ounces of the nectar of the Gods, he decided to go on a mini-rant about how he needed to stay up all-night long to write some big midterm and that these two bottles of Mountain Dew would probably keep him up for a week.

Honestly, I wanted to reach across the counter and bitch-slap this dude.

Mountain Dew?!

Really…

You need to stay up “all-night” to write a paper and you think a couple of Mountain Dews will get the job done?!

Heck, by his account he’ll not only be up all-night, but all freakin’ week as well.

What the hell does this dude think is in Mountain Dew? Last I checked it didn’t contain rocket fuel or any known club drugs.

Did he somehow call the wrong supplier when he’d originally intended to snag forty ounces of Columbian nose candy?!

Who knows.

What I do know is that as a dude who has done some massive up all-night action in the past, I get kind of insulted when someone comes in flaunting a soda as the most hardcore thing in the world to keep them up all-night.

One time I had a big ole Red Bull and then went to take a nap…how ya like them apples Mountain Dew guy?!

Now-a-days I have to get really hardcore energy drinks (read: Redline, Spike, etc…) to even feel any sort of energy buzz and that only works if I’ve not had another energy drink in a day or so.

As a caffeine addict, I want to make one thing clear to all y’all who are going to come wandering by the circulation desk…don’t go bragging to me about how your sodie-pop is going to wreak havoc on your sleep cycle…there’s a pretty good chance that I’ll beat you to death with the barcode reader.


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