Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | October 18, 2008

Worst Post-Breakup Breakdown Ever!!

So I was listening to the radio in the shower this morning and they mentioned that the lovely Taylor Swift has broken up with one of the Jonas Brothers (read: Hanson v2.0) and was pretty down in the dumps about the whole thing.

Now, I’m not sure which brother she was dating and—to be perfectly honest—I don’t know their names or what they look like. I am, however, just imagining Hanson, but with more trendy clothes and haircuts and I feel that will suffice.

Anywho…to see just how beaten up she is over the whole thing, here’s a lil’ ditty from her MySpace page…

In other news, I just got back from a 5 show run on the road. Now I’m sitting in my kitchen..on the counter. Eating cool whip. And trying to think of things to do with my free time. Other than talking to my cat and making playlists of sad songs.

 

Now, call me crazy here, but isn’t Taylor Swift a young starlet with money and minimal parental guidance?! She’s going to be turning 19 in just a few short months and she’s yet to get into any sort of crazy booze-fueled rage on the road or some sort of cocaine-aided assault on a wardrobe assistant.

Honestly, I’m a little disappointed to hear that she’s handling this break-up like an adult. I really thought this would be the impetus that sent her on some sort of Lohan-esque tailspin. But no, it seems she’d rather sit at home with her cats and eat a tub of imitation whipped cream.

Can’t she get all crazy?! You know, like wander out to a club, start get wasted and hook up with random schmucks who become tabloid fodder for all of two days before she moves onto a new random d-bag who gets to be crowned ‘luckiest-dude-ever’ for a few days?!

Then she can get do the whole ‘breakdown’ thing where she feuds with the paparazzi, gets various driving infractions, spends some time behind bars, parties some more and eventually does the whole rehab thing followed immediately by a round of talk-show and magazine interviews that spark her eventual comeback. Honestly, is that too much to ask?!

I mean seriously, Taylor…a big ole chunk of the male population has been waiting years for this, you don’t want to disappoint your fans do you?!

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