Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 12, 2007

Choosing the Right Excuse

So, I realized today at about 1:30pm that my fly was open.

I hadn’t been to the restroom since I’d arrived at work. Now I’m a little paranoid and trying to figure out two things.

One – How long has my fly been open?

Two – Who has seen me today?

I haven’t noticed a large number of stares toward my penial region which is both comforting and at the same time a bit of an ego burst.

At this point I can only sit back and wait for a plethora of phone calls inquiring about my knowledge of MIT’s sexual harrassment policies or about two dozen snickering faces aimed in my general direction for the next week or so.

In order to console myself over this matter I’ve decided to come up with a few simple fall-backs, both for myself and for the prosecuting attorney while I’m attempting to retain my employment status in the state of Massachusetts.

The scientific anomaly approach:

“Well, I suppose it slipped down with the force of gravity.”

The common-sense approach:

“I must have caught it on something…”

The pig-headed male approach:

“I figured it was a Friday, the ladies in the library deserved a treat.” *cheesy wink*

The I didn’t know any better approach:

“I’m from Iowa…we just got pants, zippers are so confusing.”

The it could have been worse approach:

“Come on, at least I didn’t wander in with a machine gun and start popping off rounds!!”

The logical approach:

“Whoops, my bad.”

Any suggestions and/or comments regarding my quandry would be greatly appreciated. And remember if you, or anyone you love is caught with their fly down, it’s important to have a plan to make sure everyone makes it out safely….wait, no…no that’s a fire escape plan. Nevermind.

I guess the real moral here has nothing to do with your loved ones and everything to do with keeping your junk hidden from the elements….and, most importantly, your coworkers.

unshelved0001


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